Grief is like an uninvited visitor who shows up on your doorstep. It knocks on your door viciously, rings the bell incessantly and then proceeds to break down the door anyway.
The first visit occurs after that fateful moment. When it first arrives Grief makes its’ presence known. It engulfs you, suffocating you almost – but not quite. Grief turns your world to different shades of grey. It lurks in your field of vision at all times, making sure you remember. Grief lingers unwelcome and unforgiving, refusing you a moment’s peace. It infringes on your personal space, invades your mind and every atom in your body. Grief leeches onto your soul like a parasite, feeding off of your happiness, your smiles and your laughter.
Every now and then, just because it can, Grief squeezes your heart with such an immense pressure you will think you can’t possibly bear it. Grief places a permanent weight on your heart, a stone with a name engraved on it. Just for good measure it etches that name into your heart as well, inflicting pain in any way it knows how.
After some time, Grief will make you think it has left, it will be hiding around the corner waiting for you to feel you are free from it. Just as you start to lift your head, looking to the sky for hope, Grief comes rushing around the corner and delivers a blow to your gut. Grief laughs at you for being naive and will enjoy punishing you for this.
Eventually Grief will allow you some breathing space, who knows how long this will take though. It might relieve the weight on your heart every now and then. It might stop feeding from your smiles and laughter, allowing you more rations as time goes on.
Sometimes Grief will leave you alone for long periods. You will start to see more colours, you will start to see more beauty in the world. But you will never forget. There will always be reminders. There will be moments when something triggers Grief to lash out and it feels like that first visit all over again. However much time passes by, Grief will always have that power over you, to make you feel the intensity of it no matter what.
No matter how much time passes by, that name will always be etched on your heart and you wear it with pride. You will learn how to deal with the trials that Grief throws at you. You will learn to greet Grief as an old friend, even though it hurts you. With Grief comes the memories – bittersweet they may seem at times but they will always be cherished.