Marriage is hard work. Everyone who is married says so and it may sound very cliche but it is also true. Marriage is a full time commitment. You don’t get any time off from being married, not a day, not a minute. It is hard work because when things get tough and other people might want to retreat, as a husband or wife this is the exact time when you have to try even harder.
Being married is like having a parent, a best friend and a child all wrapped up in one person. Sometimes the situation may be that you are in need of a parental figure to guide you, support you and encourage you and your spouse fills this role. On the other hand sometimes your spouse is like a child, needing tender loving care, attention and support from you. Marriage is about sharing your life, being on a journey with your best friend, constantly learning about each other and learning with each other as you both go through new experiences together.
In Islam what I find so beautiful about marriage is that it is an eternal tie. Marriage is a journey in this dunya in which your goal is to help your spouse reach jannah, where you pray you will be reunited with your spouse eternally. It is only by the mercy of Allah that any of us will enter jannah, and if we are to be reunited with our spouses then we will be reunited as the best possible version of ourselves without any flaws. Your spouse will be the best possible version of themselves and they will be everything you could possibly desire. May Allah grant us all jannah.
In Islam marriage is encouraged and is such a significant milestone, it is referred to as completing half your deen. With marriage comes many blessings and the opportunity for the possibility of many more blessings.
One of my favourite pieces of guidance about marriage came from Umar ibn Al-Khattab in which he said “a man should be like a child with his wife but if she needs him he should act like a man”.
I think it is so important to be able to play and laugh with your spouse. This is something my husband and I both incorporate into our marriage. We have enough stresses and hard times in this life. In Islam a husband and a wife are a blessing and comfort for one another, this comfort and peace can be on different levels depending on how much you try.
My husband is a (crazy) born Muslim from Algeria. I am a British revert. For the record, no I did not convert for him, I embraced Islam before I met my husband. We have had to learn a lot from each other about the cultures we both came from and all of the differences in communication and ways of life which we each grew up experiencing. This has been enlightening and extremely fun learning from one another at times and at others we have both had to learn to be patient and understanding of one another on a deeper level.
What is so distinctive about marriage from the Islamic perspective is the different roles and duties the husband and wife each have in the marriage. Before I got married, the more I learnt about this, the more it made sense to me. Men and women are extremely different in many ways and Islam takes this into account. The nature of men and women means the husband and wife respectively have different needs and each have different things which can be provided for the other.
I won’t go into all of the specific duties here but from my experience both spouses need to have a good understanding of these duties and moreover an openness to continue learning about the duties and roles for both the husband and wife within the marriage. Just because you are now married, it does not mean that you do not need to continue learning and after all every reminder benefits the believer.
At the end of the day being married is a new journey for both of you and you are in it together, not against each other. Marrying my husband was the best thing that happened to me after finding Islam. Alhamdulillah. I have a Muslim family who are so welcoming and loving. My husband is able to provide me help and support in every aspect of my life. The blessings are countless and reading about the deeds which are rewarded within marriage fills me with awe, even such simple acts as kind words and a smile to your spouse are rewarded.
P.S. speaking of the husband, he also blogs: www.beardedgeezer.com
And has a YouTube channel: