It can be difficult living in the presence of people who are wired to think the worst of you. People who jump to negative conclusions about you because you made a personal decision which they found strange. The decision to become a Muslim. This decision was a life choice completely personal to you, not changing anybody else’s life. It has not changed your personality, it has not changed you in any way except it has made you content, happy and at peace. And yet they cannot simply be content for you. These people are your closest family and they are supposed to love you.
It can be extremely tiring and draining, knowing that every move you make and every word you say is analysed and discussed. There’s nothing you can do to avoid this. You are stuck between a rock and a hard place. If you do something, backlash; if you do not do it, backlash. Everything you do is perceived as something you are doing because you are now a Muslim – even if it’s things you did before! You get your nose pierced and it simply must be because you are Muslim!
This decision to embrace Islam means you do not drink alcohol or go clubbing like other girls your age. It means you pray. It means you fast. It means you dress modestly. It means you give to charity. It means you work to perfect your character and your manners by showing kindness, giving up arguments and by being patient through every adversity.
None of these are negative in any way. And yet you are made to feel like you have committed heinous crimes. Your decision to convert to Islam was compared to and deemed worse than when a close relative in the family passed away months before. That one hurt the most.
But of course the biggest problem is that I choose to wrap my head in a piece of cloth. ‘Headgear’. Who am I hurting by doing this? What difference does this make, why does a piece of cloth covering my hair make you so uncomfortable and so difficult?
People who are supposed to love you more than any other human being does, and yet they are two faced. They smile at you and even encourage you sometimes. Luring you into a false sense of security it even seems at times because you soon realise you have taken one step forward and two steps back. Behind your back they mock you, they laugh at your expense and they even revel in the fact that they doing this.
But Allah decided that I should realise what was going and and what was being said behind my back. It hurt. My own mother saying spiteful things about me after having smiled at me. It hurt and it can make me feel low and depressed at times. I have also learnt from it and I have had to try and be stronger because of it. Because it is not something I can just remove myself from, I have to endure it so that I can continue to maintain good ties with my family. Family is something I don’t have a lot of so I have to be patient and persevere in trying to make them more understanding and accepting of my religion as well as reinforcing my relationships with them.
You just have to learn to take everything at face value and consciously ignore and disregard what you know they say behind your back. Don’t hold grudges, don’t think negatively or badly of anyone. Don’t dwell on it. Do not let shaytaan use this against you to try and plant seeds and have a negative impact of your relationships.
At the end of the day Allah loves us more than anyone can love us. Whatever happens in life is what is best for us and Allah is the best of planners. For a believer even a hardship is a blessing. Patience is the key.